Lady Vonnaver Lorieth's journal. Second entry.

 Fifteenth entry:

I am not sure why, but a part of me thought my new life would be routine.  Not two days thus far look alike, each of their own highlights.  Let me start with Remi running me through a series of tests, seeing if I could adapt to their way of life and the necessity of change.  The first test was to see if I could get inside a building warded with magic, it took some time but I managed to find a window unprotected by her spell.  (Note, I did not know she used magic on it at the time.  Though I suspected.)  Once inside I looked everywhere for she had said the next test was inside, yet I could find nothing.  I then left through the window I came, I was surprised to find the climb up to and down from the second story window as easy as it was.  I will say, I miss the view from high up, but arms and legs are not made to keep you in the air.  We went to the next test, it was not in the building.  I was to get to her as fast as possible.  After we had parted ways, she singled for me to start.  Here I thought of Salin, and I used his maneuvering in stealth to make my way to her.  I desperately wanted to find a way to get behind her and as I thought about the past way to go about it, I was suddenly there.  This took me by surprise, I had somehow managed to cover thirty feet in a blink of an eye.  This had caught us both off guard.  Gathering my wits about me I got the first strike in, for she was poised for a fight.  From there I do not recall all our maneuvering only that I kept catching us both off guard.  She managed I think with magic, to get away from me.  She proceeded to fire one magic spell after another at me, I have no ranged weapons therefore forcing myself to draw closer to her.  I found cover and knew it would last only a short time, then it happened again.  Just as I was thinking how to get her from such a range without going out in the open, magic flew from my hand to her.  Again, shocking us both.  (Figuratively, at least so far.  Magic is still newish to me.  I don’t remember what all I could do before, I certainly don’t know what I can do now.)  I then tried it again, only to find myself behind her.  This seemed to continue for a while, I was disoriented but soon caught on as did she.  We fought for another minute perhaps before she sheathed her weapon and her hands rested at her side.  She seemed slightly tired from the fight, yet I know if it were real she could have finished it.  We both wondered at my magic, for neither of us knew I had it.  She then explained to me that because I am not trained with magic, it can have unknown effects at times.  She gave me many books to read and taught me some herself.  I was fortunate nothing out of hand happened during our duel.  That afternoon, going in the evening however was not a pleasant surprise.  I will not write it, not for lack of memory.  Indeed not, for I doubt I will forget what happened.  I wish to blame her, but neither can I bring myself to.  Renaer took the time to explain why she did what she did.  It was the final test, one I have faced before and hate every time.  I lost my wings the first time I faced it, the second I almost lost my friends and now I almost lost Renaer and what I thought was my baby sister Cilla.  I will not put her loss in her, that I cannot violate it is her past.  I am thankful though that he told me, though I doubt she would have wanted him to.  My love and loyalty will be the death of me, it nearly has been.  Now that I think about it, it was my loyalty to the ivory king and queen that lost me my memory.  Then to my brother and sisters that lost me my wings, to my friends that I would have given my life.  (Yet they live and I could not ask for more, except that they find happiness wherever they are.) and then the other night I nearly lost Renaer and Cilla.  I needed to get that out of my system, I am not sure why I didn’t do it sooner.  Holding on to the past, something I can not change, will only eat me away until there is little left but the memory of what I was.  I do not have it within me to forgive yet, but at least I stopped blaming.  I wandered down a dark path again, I hope I will one day write a complete entry without such thoughts.  Later that day, for the last test the previous night and Renaer had come to explain things that morning, a meeting of Second chance was called.  I, along with Renaer and Mr. Brightwood, a bard from their order, was assigned a mission.  (Note, for all I met from here forth I will put only their last names.)  We were to hunt down any stragglers from the two guilds we helped take down.  Though Mr. Brightwood does not know that.  We left and followed a series of clues that led us to the mud flats then down a sower drain.  Mr. Brightwood made the rats we heard easy to see, for those of use not blessed with his ken elven sight.  It did not take long for us to finish the rodents off.  We found the latter and after some time were able to open the hatch.  We stood then in the Field ward, a place I was told simply, had little order.  The city watch often looked on while crime ran free.  It is also a kill zone between the outside and the inner city.  (After they told me about when we got back I researched it further.)  Both Renaer and myself stood out like white clouds in a storm.  Mr. Brightwood I dare say looked as if he belonged there, though I doubt he does.  Renaer suddenly started staring at me, as did Mr. Brightwood though he looked only for a moment before moving his attention back on the matter at hand.  Renaer though looked uncertain, I thought perhaps I was bleeding and had not felt the pain yet.  Yet it was not that, I looked at myself and I looked like those around me.  I somehow used magic without realizing it.  This reminded me of Guile, a woman learning what it was to be free.  I believe I had seen her do it once or did I just hear of it from Irophira?   At least now I understand why he was gawking, I had used magic again and didn’t know it.  Still getting used to that.  Now he stood out alone.  Mr. Brightwood seemed to know who to look for to get information, from a halfling he spoke to we found another clue.  It was night by this time and we found a meat cutters place.  This brought back memories of when Salin, Irophira, Nilsa and I had found a place much like this one that held more than one secret.  Mr. Brightwood, Renaer and myself come up with a plan.  I teleported into the building through a window, as the snuck around on the grounds.  I don’t know what happened to them while I was inside, I’ll find out at our meeting later.   As for me, I learned magic is not a toy.  Once inside I was able to hide myself for a time, soon they found me and I tried to protect myself.  Only instead of protecting myself I somehow unleashed a volley of magic on one of the men.  I then jumped over to the man as these lights continued to berate him, I finished the poor soul off.  I turned to face my next opponent, I swung once but due to my lack of understanding magic somehow started floating in the air beyond my control.  I could do nothing but watch them take shots at me, I missed my wings very much then.  It was an awkward fight, the other two came in moments later and helped finish them off.  Mr. Brightwood threw me a rope, the sight would have sent my sisters laughing silly.  It is embarrassing, but I felt and probably looked very much like one of their kites they flew in the spring.  When the side effect wore off, we then interrogated them.  Here again I learned magic should never be thrown about.  In my attempt to scare them I somehow caused it to happen in Renaer.  I believe Mr. Brightwood took over when I left to chase after Renaer who was running from something in his mind.  It took much convincing before he let me near, he was confused when his mind was brought back to himself.  I have apologized many times since.  I believe the men we were interrogating gave Mr. Brightwood the information we wanted and then let go.  We are soon to gather for our debrief, I will know more than.  Though I will not put down that information.  Until then I am going to play my new harp, it has been too long since I could enjoy music with my own hands.