Antonio's Journal Entry #1: In which he tries to make sense of Guile.

An entry from Antonio's journal that was written on the evening that the company sailed into the port of Luskan after he had an interesting conversation with Guile.

I typically take pride in the fact that I can handle myself when around the ladies; however, I question those skills. I am still not sure what happened. Hopefully, writing it out will help make sense of it. 

First off, I vouched for Helen to the captain that she was not ignoble. The only reason she was here was that fortune had not favored her family and cast her upon the pirates' mercy out of necessity. She needed money to pay for the medical care of her parents. Well, it turns out she was not just a pirate, but a slave trader. I found myself mortified at this revelation. She seemed so sweet and helpless when I met her all those years ago and saved her from the tower. Perhaps I should have left her there to marry the Baron de Ros. I cannot condone slavery. It is the very thing I detest and the reason why I agreed to come along on this sea adventure in the first place. I felt morally obligated to, especially after my cowardness. 

Later the captain asked me to his cabin to talk to me. He had the audacity to tell me I had a wandering eye, and he thought I was a risk because I would let a pretty pirate woman turn my head and cause me to betray him. I have never been so angry and humiliated. To be talked to as if I were a schoolboy who needed guidance and correction! And from a pirate of all people! I am sure Captain Zardo is no sterling example of virtue when it comes to the ladies. I assured him I had eyes for one woman only--though, if I am being truthful, I do not think it was Maria I spoke of--and that he had nothing to worry about from me. 

I saw Maria again back in Waterdeep. All the old feelings came back from that summer long ago. But she had changed. She seemed embittered towards me. I was crushed. She thought me to be irresponsible and rash. Perhaps I am. We did leave on better terms, though, I leaving her with a gold comb set with rubies as well as an impulsive kiss. I could tell she was smiling as she ran back to the house. But as I have had time to think about Maria, I realize the feelings I had for her were based on a boyish idea of love, which I now realize is not real love.

This evening I went to speak to Guile about a secret pouch in a purse that belonged to Helen. It was supposed to contain a wanted poster, and I had a sneaking suspicion that it was Nilsa on the poster. I knocked at Guile's door, and she opened it asking me to come in. I looked uneasily up and down the hallway. I could not be seen going into a lady's room, especially after that conversation I had with the captain; after all, he accused me of having an eye for the ladies. I had my reputation to think about. I suppose I looked hesitant because the next thing I knew, Guile was pulling me in and locking the door behind us. I must admit, this made me feel uncomfortable. The thought flashed through my mind that Guile might have feelings for me. I suppose it is only natural. We have been adventuring together for a while, and I have been working with her rather closely of late. But I swept aside the thought. I was flattering myself as I always do.

At this point, I made it very clear that I was here just to talk—nothing else.

I was able to locate the secret pouch and found a poster that offered 5000 gold pieces for the capture of Nilsa. We then decided to burn the poster so that no one else would find out, though I am sure there are other wanted posters circulating about.

It was at this point that Guile asked if she could tell me something and made me swear never to tell anyone, over and over. I did. Then she told me she used to be a Hunter. It took a little clarification to realize that she meant The Hunters, demon hunters, the ones everyone has been talking about since we started heading towards the island. But she was not that person anymore, and she was good now. I told her I knew she was a good person. 

Since she had told me a secret, she wanted to know one of mine. I suppose it was only fair that I tell her one. But which secret? Do I tell her I am not really Antonio de Delicado? Do I tell her about my family's dishonor? Perhaps she would dislike me if she knew about my cowardness. I never had to make a choice, though. She said that she had something from her past still with her. I explained that we all had our demons. She seemed to start at this, and I tried to leave. That was when she grabbed my hands tightly, and then we were standing there, my eyes locked with hers. I was unsure whether my heart had quickened its beat from fear and confusion or from her touch. 

I have found myself growing rather fond of Guile. She is strange and does not seem to know much about the world, but I find a certain charm and innocence to her that I have never seen in the ladies back at court. She also does not continuously flirt with me because she does not know who I am, which I find refreshing. Though, I believe that even if she knew who I was, she would not care. Things like that do not mean anything to her. Also, ever since that night not long ago when I ran to catch her, and she finally landed in my arms, well, I have to admit that I have caught myself thinking about her more than once. I do genuinely believe she is good and brave, and I trust her. Well…moving on.

I am not sure what exactly happened, but I found myself repeating over and over at the command of Guile that she was a good person and would not harm anyone. Then it dawned on me that she was not talking to me, but someone in her head. I asked her if she felt well or needed smelling salts. She kept up the one-sided conversation, and I felt like she was about to tell me something else important when without warning, she demanded that I leave her room. I was more than happy to comply. Once she unlocked the door and let me out, she bolted it behind me. I breathed a sigh of relief as I leaned against the wall outside to steady myself. As I lingered outside her door, I heard her continue to argue with…well, no one. The whole thing had taken such a bizarre turn. I still do not know what to think. 

I hope this voyage has not been too much for her, and she has become ill in the head. Perhaps it is my fault for keeping her out in the sun, practicing her newly learned skills with the rapier that have caused this. If it is my fault, I will never forgive myself. Perhaps a few days on land will cure her. Or maybe the anxiety of coming back to her home where she is no longer welcome has become too much for her. If I can get away from the present business, I think I will try to find a good physician that I can consult. That is what I will do!

Ah, Guile…